Well, I have been feeling the sting. I have never experienced this before. I truly feel that I gave my all, and did my very best in regards to former job. And I loved it! I understand the numbers and the logistics, but it just plain hurts that I lost my job! I have been battling satan and discouragement all week, trying to keep in mind who the Winner is. It seems as time passes, I become more angry and bitter. I suppose that's exactly how the enemy would have it, huh? Please pray for me, as I am continuing to struggle. I KNOW the Lord has plans for me, great plans for me, to give me hope and a future...I am just ready to find out what they are! Patience, right? It has never been my virtue. Maybe a new lesson to be learned...
Friday, February 13, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
What a week it has been.
As some of you may know, I had a grandmother that I was extremely close to (my dad's mother, Minnie; she was Lori's granny, too). Granny lived with us until I was 6 or 7. I remember the day she moved out... I was DEVASTATED and I felt like I would never see her again. (Though she moved about 1 mile away right next to Lori's parents!) Lori and I stayed with her every day after school, and every summer. She would always make us snacks (like Rice Krispies and peanut butter) and sing us songs. (Among her favorites..."Swing Low, Sweet Chariot"...) She was the best company. Though she could not hear a thing, she could read lips REALLY well. Granny would always "listen" and just offer her shoulder to cry on. And she loved EVERYBODY. All of our many friends would always want to go visit her because she always joked and laughed with us all. We would go to her house and we literally had to jump up and down on her porch so she could feel that we were there! She also made up her own words for things. She was born with the ability to hear, but the nerves in her ears stopped working before we were born. And, she only had a fourth grade education, so she did her best. Still, she couldn't quite understand certain words. For example, she called pizza "prison pie" and the microwave a "macaroni oven." She was such a special, special lady. Granny passed away in 2004, and I miss her terribly, but I am so thankful the Lord blessed me with her.
I also had a great-grandmother that I was close to. She raised my mother, (well, until my Daddy decided to, as they were married when my mother was 14!) and lived in the Pleasant Home community. I have lots of warm memories of her, too. Every Sunday we would go to her house after church and have lunch with her. On holidays, all of my (HUGE) family would gather at her house and visit. She had a bridge below her house and all of us kids would walk to the bridge and throw rocks into the water while the grown-ups drank coffee and talked the day away. We would play football in her big yard, and have the best time. Grandmother Teel passed away in 2002 at 98 years old. She and Granny taught me many, many lessons including how to love, and put the Lord first. Grandmother Teel always talked about forgiveness and reconciliation, which brings me to my next subject.
My mother's mother, Louise.
I have never been close to my grandmother Louise. I don't have many memories of her, and the ones I do have are not exactly pleasant. I have always thought that my mother could be different in many ways had it not been for her own mother. Though, I do not have the specifics of everything that happened, I always knew that there were some terrible events that happened in my mother's family. I have always blamed my grandmother for several things, and frankly I have had a problem in forgiving her. My mother, however, praise God, has been able to overcome her past, and become who she is today. She has even formed a relationship with her mother, and has fully forgiven her for whatever may have happened. Forgiveness is a funny thing. I have TRIED and TRIED to forgive my grandmother, but it is absolutely one of the hardest things to do. Right when I think I am over it and I have forgiven her, I am suddenly overwhelmed with memories and blame, and the bitterness consumes me yet again. I mean I have struggled with this for YEARS...
Two weeks ago, my grandmother became very ill. My mama and I were in Dothan for a doctor's appointment, and we went by to see my grandmother in the hospital for a few minutes. Though I felt no attachment to her, I began to pray that she would not leave this earth until she was saved, and right with the Lord. Her condition became more and more serious, and this past Sunday, per my mother's request, I went to visit my grandmother again. As I saw her there gasping for breath, and clearly in pain, a wave of compassion washed over me. For the first time in my life, I was truly able to forgive her. I saw that despite everything, she was still my mother's mother, and my mother loved her, and God loved her too. I continued to pray for her, my mother, and the rest of my family. Monday afternoon she passed away. As selfish as this may sound, I am so thankful that I went to see her, and that the Lord helped me to forgive her. I am thankful that no matter what, He loves me, and He forgives me, too. I can't imagine how unlovable I am! It is easy to see other's mistakes, but not so easy to see our own. I have come to realize (though I have heard it all of my life) that I have no right not to forgive because where would I be without God's gracious forgiveness? As we have been working to mourn the death in our family, this week has been draining and stressful. Today I went into work business as usual. About 10:30, Dr. Gacha called me in his office, and explained to me that, like everything else, the economy has affected our business, and that they could no longer afford to keep me on the payroll. I lost my job today. Believe it or not, through everything I have experienced this week, I am filled with such a peace that clearly is only from God. I truly have a peace that surpasses all understanding, and am overwhelmed and awed at His amazing love. You know, as I mentioned in an earlier post, Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse that has been on my heart all year. ("I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you hope and a future.") I saw my cousin Lynn at the Corner Market Monday, and she told me that she had prayed for that verse to come alive for me. It certainly has. Thank you, Lord. I am trusting you.
Posted by Carrie at 10:00 AM